How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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