So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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