I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
