yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
