he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
one might say we're banned from that church
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My bed smells like the plague
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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