not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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