you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
