I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
