I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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