Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
