I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
