Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
