Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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