I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
