Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
