So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
