I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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