Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
