Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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