I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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