all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
