just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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