There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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