I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Jerry, you need to find god
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
