My cat gives me a boner
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
