if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
