$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize
