The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
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For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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