What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
