I wannas sexs uuuuu
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
