Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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