someone get that fucking seahorse.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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