census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
