Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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