He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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