Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
