just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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