You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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