we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It's shark week go big or go home
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
