Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
