Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
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she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..