I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
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You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.