at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.