Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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