The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
