Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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