Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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