I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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