he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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