I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
