yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
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He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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