I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
