I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
