2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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