I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
