I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
