you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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