"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
