Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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