i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
