So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
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sarcasm needs its own font
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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