Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
