oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
