I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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