Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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