I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
