I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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