last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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