i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
