This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
