my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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