I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
