Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
