I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My liver is preforming stress tests.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
