You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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