When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
