What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
