woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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