Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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