You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
