I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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