I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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