Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
