New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
