Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
