Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
