Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
