I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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