Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
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First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
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I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
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